If you find yourself taking a look at your dating history and not being satisfied with the people you meet, it may be time to reassess your mindset. Maybe it is you, not him. Not because you are a bad person, but because you settle for the wrong guys.
To start with, here are some possible reasons why you might be settling and what you can do to change your mindset.
Fear of Being Alone
Sometimes, teens feel as if they are time-locked. “If you don’t find a guy by this age, then there must be something wrong with you.” This pressure heightens the fear of being alone, making them feel the need to find relationships, even with partners that are less than ideal.
Studies show that women find themselves staying in unfulfilling relationships as they find it better than being alone. Before you jump into a relationship, ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I actually like my partner, or am I doing this simply for the sake of having one?”
Having Low Self-Esteem
Another reason you might be settling is that you feel you are unworthy of a better guy. Teens who fall for the wrong guy typically do so because they think the worst of themselves. Sometimes, you don’t believe you are good enough for a guy who will treat you right.
This pattern of thinking is very dangerous. To improve your mindset, it can help to try to catch yourself whenever you engage in negative self-talk. When you build your confidence, you will attract guys who are able to see this in you.
Misalignment of Goals and Priorities
When going through your mental list of ideal qualities in a guy, what are your priorities? It is possible that your priorities are misplaced when it comes to what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Try to realign your goals and standards. What do you look for in a guy? Do you only like him because he is good-looking? Do you share the same hobbies and interests? The same values?
The key to a successful relationship is finding someone that you see yourself with for the long term. Find someone who is passionate about what you are passionate about and holds the same values you do.
Thinking You Can Change Someone
It can be really tempting to enter a relationship with someone you think you can change. You think, with just a little help, you can help him curb his bad habits. However, the chances of this happening are slim.
If you meet a guy with toxic traits, these are things he can only work on by himself. In a relationship, you can always offer your support and express your care. But ultimately, the decision to change relies on the guy.
Focus on your own improvement. Try to find a guy who is already mature enough to recognize his own faults and makes an effort to change his ways.
Being Blind to Red Flags
When we care for people, we sometimes overlook their bad habits. Getting caught up in a whirlwind relationship can make you blind to the red flags. This is an especially harmful mindset when in relationships with toxic partners.
When entering a relationship, try to assess your partner objectively. If you detect any signs of possessiveness, harmful behavior, and rudeness, these are big red flags. Try to observe how your partner acts with other people. It may be difficult, but spotting red flags will ensure that you are in a safe and loving relationship.
Falling in love is only natural, and you can’t completely take the blame for your bad relationships. Still, it’s always good practice to take a minute to assess your situation. If you have any negative thoughts about yourself, it may affect your relationships with others.
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